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Shameless plugging by a newbie. You know. [Mar. 22nd, 2011|04:51 pm]
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[ancilla_jokes]
[Current Mood |hungryhungry]

Hi there. Um, I'm not too great with introductions...but anyway, I'm kind of new to the Powerpuff fandom--I loved the shows as a kid but never really interacted with the fan community until recently. So, uh, to give you a brief background on what I'm doing here...I used to be a much better writer than I am now, but after a several-year hiatus, I've fallen out of practice. So I'm trying to work my way back into doing what I love through various forms of writing, one being fanfiction. Which brings me to why I've posted this here.

I recently finished my first official Powerpuff fanfiction, and though it's only a one-shot, I would really appreciate some constructive criticism. It's not too terrible--the idea is kind of cute--it's just unbearably cheesy at times, and I alliterate waaaaaaay too much. :P I have to work on that. I feel kind of guilty for promoting myself like this, but I figure I'd benefit from as much constructive criticism as I can, so...here we go.

Title: C'est La Vie
Pairings: Blues.
Length/Rating: One-shot, rated G.
Summary: Bubbles learns that things don't always go as planned.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Powerpuff Girls, or the Rowdyruff Boys. If you're looking for someone who does, try the next kitchen over.
Author's Notes: Okay, I know this isn't the best fic ever, but it's a start. I wrote it because I thought it was a cute idea and I need practice with writing--I haven't written anything noteworthy in a very long time, and I'm very rusty. Also, please excuse all of le fromage (a.k.a. cheesiness) as well as my excessive usage of alliteration.



~~~

Today was the day, Bubbles had decided. All those months of sideways smiles, subtle blushing and shameless flirting were finally going to pay off. I won’t have to hide it anymore, she thought, feeling her chest swell with anticipation. A joyful shudder ran through her as she realized those girlish little fantasies of dancing through the streets with that special boy in celebration of la joie de vivre were about to come true.

She was finally going to tell Boomer how she felt about him.

Considering the months leading up to this fateful day, Bubbles smiled inwardly, pleased that she had allowed her feelings to remain monogamous for such a long time. It started with brief flirtations, she remembered, then a surprising friendship, pet names, and now—if everything went as planned—

Her excitement was uncontainable. Bubbles hummed to herself as she bounced along the hallways of Townsville High, only half-trying to conceal her giddiness (and meeting with little success). She had it all planned out in her head—an entire speech that began with her demanding Boomer’s complete attention and ended with mutual declarations of love (she giggled at her own silly melodrama—perhaps Bubbles had watched a few too many soap operas for her own good). She was going to tell him during French class, she’d decided. French class would certainly be the most romantic, she had thought, failing to force back a smile while she imagined the bashful look on his face as he confessed his own pent-up feelings.

To Bubbles, the day seemed to take forever, and she couldn’t get Boomer off her mind. She killed time by daydreaming and doodling little blue hearts in her notebook, except in math class, where she napped (a habitual practice). But when it came time for French, she was anything but distracted. Bubbles was focused, determined to exit class that day on the arm of a certain blond beau. Her excitement manifested itself as little pinpricks underneath her skin and a flutter in her chest, coming to a peak as she rounded the corner and virtually pranced through the door into French.

She was greeted by a pair of blissful blue peepers as big as her own. “Bonjour, mon chéri!” Bubbles chirped, her natural enthusiasm permeated by a fervor of the flirtatious variety. Boomer responded with his trademark goofy grin, chewing his pencil eraser like a cow. “Hi Bubbles.”

Bubbles sauntered toward the object of her affections with a coyness she’d mastered over months of experience. Twirling a pigtail with one hand, she leaned toward him with confidence and a small smile, setting her best-laid plans into motion. “Boomer, I have something to tell you!”

He grinned expectantly, and she beamed in response. This was it! Everything she’d prepared for had come down to this!

“I—”

Without any warning, her face darkened into a deep red. The pinpricks under her skin filtered into her belly and transformed into tiny bubbles preparing to pop. Unfamiliar self-doubt began to sink in, and she opened her mouth, but couldn’t make a sound—any attempt at speaking resulted in her blush growing darker and wider across her cheeks. Boomer was looking at her expectantly. Bubbles tripped over her thoughts, trying to come up with a course of action quickly before she made herself look even more idiotic in front of the boy she liked. Come on, Bubbles—what’s the easiest way to say how you feel without sounding stupid? She wracked her brain for a solution, until finally a sense of comfort fell onto her tongue.

Je…j’ai quelque chose à dire,” she finally said, hammering out a coherent train of thought through her flair for linguistics, finding solace in the language of love. This is appropriate, she thought, with a few doubts remaining as to whether or not Boomer could actually understand her. I just hope I can get my point across…

She huffed and composed herself, regaining a bit of confidence. “Je sais que tu m’aimes.” Boomer’s gaze was rather unnerving, and Bubbles struggled to remember the speech she had so carefully prepared. “Et je te veux savoir…

The frustration she felt from the lack of readability in Boomer’s expression led Bubbles to forsake her inhibitions, close her eyes, and just let loose—she was confessing her feelings, after all.

Je ne te veux pas aimer tous autres filles. Je sais que tu deviens jaloux quand les autres garçons disent à moi, mais je te veux savoir que tu n’as pas une raison pour être jaloux! Parce que franchement, je veux être avec toi! Est-ce que tu comprends que je dis, n’est-ce que pas? Je ne veux pas tous autres garçons, parce que je te veux seulement! Me comprends-tu!? JE. TE. VEUX!

Her shrill declaration of love having ended, Bubbles took a deep breath, regained her composure and opened her eyes. As the room came into focus, she realized that Boomer was not the only one wearing a vacant expression.

The entire classroom was staring at her.

Bubbles’ eyes circled the room, taking in the shock and awe on the faces of her classmates. Finally her eyes fell back on Boomer, who looked baffled as ever as the pencil dumbly fell out of his mouth. Panic swept over her as Bubbles realized the truth: he hadn’t understood a word she said.

I…I just confessed my feelings to everyone in class…except Boomer.

The bubbles in her belly finally popped out of horror. A blush dark enough to rival a lobster colony leaked onto her face, and tears began to sting at the edges of her eyes. Humiliated enough already, Bubbles sat down next to Boomer and buried her face in her arms, hiding from any undiscovered shame that could still be lurking on the premises. C’est la vie, je suppose… she thought as a bitter dose of melancholia built up in her chest, a sharp contrast to her previous expectations of the day.

Aishiteru,” Bubbles finally whispered, in a tongue that she was certain none of them could understand.

The sheepish, wide-eyed teacher finally began her lesson, but Boomer couldn’t keep his eyes off the blue Powerpuff at his side. Is she mad at me? he couldn’t help but wonder. Unsure how to respond, he passed her a note when the teacher’s back was turned:

Whatever I did, I’m sorry, ma chérie.

The bouquet in his locker would have to wait, Boomer realized, and it was disappointing. He’d really hoped that today would be the day. That’s just life, I guess, he thought, feeling somewhat dejected. But it’s all right… I know I’ll tell her someday.

~~~

Comments? Criticisms? Thoughts? Please let me know!
LinkReply

Comments:
From: wei_chan
2011-03-22 11:05 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I liked it. It was cute and you seemed to capture Bubbles' character well. Despite the fact that you hadn't really interacted with the PpG community all that often, I couldn't tell. If you hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have known.

Overall, I found very little alliteration within the story as a whole. Yes, it was a little cheesy, but we all do cheesy at one point. Heck, I have two of them on my FFN account, so it's all good. Your grammar and style were clear, concise and easy to follow -- something that, unfortunately, is lacking in many PpG stories. You provided a window as to why Bubbles and Boomer get along instead of just lambasting us with fluff with no apparent reason. I encourage you to expand more on their relationship, should you decide. I would like to see it :)

On the whole, my only criticism would be the French. While I understand that using the language in her French class is appropriate (believe me, I know, I'm in one and my sensei refuses to speak in English, haha), it can get a little frustrating for the reader who doesn't understand the language. It's a simple fix: just indicate in the rest of the text what she's saying. While we get that she's declaring her feelings to him, we're not exactly one-hundred percent sure what she's telling them. To me, she's saying something, but I'm not sure what. If your intent was to have us feel as blank as your implying Boomer is, then awesome, but if not...uh, I can't relate to Bubbles because I can't understand what she's telling Boomer. Again, just imply what she's saying via her thoughts or the rest of the text :)


(If I'm completely wrong about the French, I'm sorry XD)

Anyway, I liked it. I love the overall concept. And welcome back from your hiatus.
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[User Picture]From: ancilla_jokes
2011-03-23 02:26 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! And yeah, I was a bit ignorant when it came to the inclusion of French...I didn't realize that it could baffle some readers until after I posted it -__-' haha. Well, I'll just leave a translation (of all the French used in it) here:

"La joie de vivre" means "the joy of living".
"Bonjour, mon cheri!" = "Hello, my dear/darling/[insert generic term of endearment]!"
"Je…j’ai quelque chose à dire." = "I...I have something to say."
“Je sais que tu m’aimes.” = "I know that you like me."
"Et je te veux savoir…” = "And I want you to know..."
That really long speech Bubbles gave: "I don't want you to like any other girls. I know you become jealous when other boys talk to me, but I want you to know that you don't have a reason to be jealous! Because frankly, I want to be with you! You understand what I say, don't you? I don't want any other boys, because I only want you! Do you understand me? I. WANT. YOU!" (...lol. A note: Google Translate will most likely fail to provide an accurate translation of this... "JE. TE. VEUX!" came out to "JE. TE. WANT!" haha.)
"C’est la vie, je suppose…" = "That's life, I suppose."
"Aishiteru" = Actually not French at all! It's Japanese, for "I love you."

Hope that helped :)
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